who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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