First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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