I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
