He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
