Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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