you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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