So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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