i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
