sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
whose parrot is this?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
