Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
