We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
