my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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