So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
