How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
