he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
