I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
