god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
