What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
