How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
did you just send me my own nude
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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