I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
