dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
