Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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