OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you will always have a special place in my vag
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.