when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress