Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.