Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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