I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
