My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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