Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at about main and main street
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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