dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
