So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
