i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
