turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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