GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
