Don't make out with my wife yet
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
