Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
