Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
