Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
