i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
