i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize