never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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