guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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