I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
