I've blown a few things in my day
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
