What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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