so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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