did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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