we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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