Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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