"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
bring money and cleavage
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
