it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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