Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
