I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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