When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
