Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
