I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
