I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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