put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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