now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
