I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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