remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
