and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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