Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
