We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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