I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
