I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So apparently I’m into choking now
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