just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
