We named our party play list daddy issues
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
