Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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