Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
