You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
