"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
