What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
